When Mass gets Effected
by Angeleia Kenobi
Summary: Stupid title i know, but in honor of ME 3's release I decided to upload a couple pieces that have been filed away. hope you like and please R&R!
1. Shepard Awakens

_"She's reacting to outside stimuli."_

Pain. Deep, throbbing excruciating pain. Everything hurt it felt like even every last strand of hair on her body was burning that message to her brain, at the same time. She could barely breathe, let alone talk and she was sure that if she opened her mouth only a scream would be released. Dr. Chakwas was sure to try to talk to her though, and Kaiden would be furious. What had she been thinking, sending him away like that! Without even a goodbye kiss! Send him off to duty right before... before... the explosion.

_Showing an awareness of her surroundings."_

Normandy, under attack... unknown ship, crewman to escape pods... SOP... Kaiden... Kaiden! Her eyelids fluttered and she heard voices, albeit heavily muffled, as though she was hearing them through water. "I think she's coming to..." It was a mans voice, but not Kaiden's. Where was Kaiden! She'd been hurtled into space by the explosion from the Normandy's drive core, he should be here! He was alive and well, he had to be! Wait, what ahd he said? Coming to? From what? Did they need to do some sort of surgery on her? She knew she'd taken a bad hit from that bulkhead but what... what... The air caught in her lungs and her eyes snapped open.

_"Oh my god, Miranda, I think she's waking up!"_

Bulkhead...explosion, shockwave sending her into space...space... She'd been spaced! How in the hell had she survived entry into Alchera's atmosphere? She should have been burnt.. to …. a … oh. That's why everything hurt. She had been burnt, but she'd survived it! Jsut like she'd survived everything else in her life. Father had been right after all. She was a survivor. She'd survived Mindior, she was the only one of her squad to survive Torfan and she'd survived the Battle for the Citadel. Of course she'd survive her ship... exploding.

_"Damn it Wilson! She's not ready yet! Give her the sedative!"_

She remembered the explosion and floating through the nothingness of space. That free falling feeling, seeing the escape pods falling to the planet below as she seemed to hang in stillness. All she could hear was her own panicked breathing, coming heavy and fast, that is until there was nothing left to breathe. The emergency O2 tank on her hardsuit had begun to leak. She'd reached back to try and stop it, to disconnect what she could and seal the leak but... she'd found it too late. Her lungs had frozen first, she'd felt as though her heart would pound its way out of her chest and her blood began to thicken. Her limbs felt heavy and she couldn't... she couldn't breathe. She could hear a heart monitor racing somewhere outside her field of vision. There was a man standing beside her bed, but she couldn't get the message to her hand to grab him, force him to answer her questions. _Wilson..._ that had to be his name. She turned her head to the other side and saw a dark haired woman – Miranda, apparently - trying to talk to her.

_"Shepard, don't try to move, just lie still. Try to stay calm."_

NOT MOVE! What the hell! She would move if she damn well felt like it and right now... Right now she had to get some answers. She didn't trust her biotics, they were unstable enough on a good day, but she could move her arm. Move her arm... and open her hand and try to grab...grab the womans arm... No! Not her hand her arm...dammit. The woman had moved. That had to have been it. Where was Chakwas! Where was Kaiden! Joker? Liara! Garrus! Wrex! She felt like screaming, but her throat was dry and her lips felt chapped. She swallowed ahrd, trying to get something...anything.

_"Heart rates still climbing, brain activity is off the charts."_

Damn straight! You try almost dying... no, that wasn't right. She had died. She'd felt herself leave her body. It was more than an out of body experience. She'd had those before, but this... This had been different. She'd DIED! Oh god... oh god, what had it done to Kaiden? What had her thought! It must have destroyed him... He was the only thing in her life that was sane...normal. At least, as Normal as you could get when you're racing after an insane rouge Spectre and his army of Geth minions as they followed the command of a sentient machine race that only you knew about and no one would or even could believe what you saw! _Kaiden!_ She felt her tongue trying to move around her mouth, felt the control re-enter her mind, she knew how to speak again, she could if only...

_"Stats pushing into the red zone. It's not working!"_

_ "Another dose, NOW!"_

Suddenly she couldn't think straight. Her mind felt as though she'd been out all night on the Citadel, drinking. But that wasn't right... she'd been out drinking before and she'd never gotten this... this... Kaiden. She had to get to Kaiden. She ahd to focus... Focus on... finding Kaiden. Where was Kaiden?


	2. Kaiden Mourns

If scuttlebutt said she was dead she was dead. If scuttlebutt said she was alive, then she was alive. And if she walked through his front door right..._now_ wearing nothing but a raincoat he'd die a happy man. But he had to be honest with himself. Shepard was dead. He'd watched her shape burst into flames upon reentry from the window of the escape pod she'd forced him to go to. The love of his life was dead and he had to move on. But that was the problem. Moving on wasn't as easy as the vids made it seem sometimes. Shepard was a one of s kind, with her teasing smile, tempting walk and captivating eyes. Shepard had no idea how beautiful she was and that endeared her all the more to him.

The'yd only had about a month to be together, and they had yet to share another night like that one before Ilos, but that month together had been one of the happiest of his life. Sure they'd had the occasional Geth outpost but they'd been together.

And now they weren't.

Shepard was dead and he was alive, Shepard was space dust and he was in one piece.

Kaiden threw the towel in the washbin and pulled on a pair of boxers. Shaking his head to get his hair out of his eyes. It had grown some in the last few weeks while he'd been on leave and he knew he'd have to cut it when he went back, but that could wait. Today marked two years without her and he wanted to simply wallow in his misery. It had amazed him that Anderson had known about him and Shepard, but then, Anderson knew everything. At least when it came to whatever happened on the Normandy, whether or not he was on the ship. It had been Anderson that he'd first called when the crew had contacted the Citadel.

Standing on the small balcony of his apartment he watched the ocean waves ride across eachother. He tried to organize what time he had left. Only another week and then he had to report abck to the Citadel and Anderson. What the hell was he supposed to do for a whole week? Anderson ahd suggested that he see a grief counselor but Kaiden didn't feel like sharing. He'd shared his life stories with someone before, and now that someone was dead. Just debris in the atmosphere of a planet he never wanted to see again. He ran a hand through his hair and leaned against the door frame, listening to the incoming tide crash on the rocks below. He'd wanted to bring her here, once they'd gotten leave. To show her that Earth could be beautiful as well. He glanced back over his shoulder into the small bedroom, his gaze puposefully avoiding the king sized bed that dominated the room. He'd taken to sleeping on the couch on the side wall to avoid thinking about her. Anything to avoid the mistake he'd made that first night, the night after she'd died.

_He was just so tired. The Alliance and the Council had been debriefing everyone for the last few hours, asking the all too invasive questions. And the news had hit, Shepard was dead. Officially declared dead by both the Alliance and the Council. And with that the crew of the Normandy had been officially been disbanded; the Alliance crewmen who had survived reassigned to other ships while Shepard's team drifted apart. While he'd gotten a promotion, Staff Commander Alenko still sounded rather strange, He watched those he'd come to call friends leave him. Just as she had._

_ Garrus went vigilante, running about the Terminus systems trying to right wrongs before they reached Citadel space. Liara had simply disappeared into the crowds, and Wrex had gone back to Tuchanka. Tali had been the only one to say good-bye, but even that had been short lived. She's given him a rather awkward hug and he'd barely heard her say "I'm so so sorry." before she'd stepped away and let the crowds swallow her up. Just as space had taken Shepard from him. Everyone was being taken away from him. Hell, he was even missing Joker! The blasted pilot had been so angry with the Alliance and the Council, especially after they had grounded him and even now he didn't want to think about it. But he understood. A pilot needed to be able to fly, and the Alliance had put a stop to Joker's ability to do that. If Cerberus could give him that then more power to him, but that didn't mean that Kaiden had to like it._

The sun was beginning to rise over the city, its light reflecting on the water and blinding him. He could feel a migraine starting in the base of his skull, pulsing from his biotic implant. 'Great' he thought, pushing himself away form the door and closing it tight against daylight. 'Jsut great, another shitty start to another shitty day.' Of course he refused to admit that the drinking bender he'd been one for the last few days had anything to do with his current state of affairs. None whatsoever. Nor would he think about the only thing that could possibly make him feel better. Memories of her.

She who was now dust in the wind. She who had saved him from himself, brought him out of his military shell and be willing to show his heart again. She who ahd the nerve to up and die. HOW DARE SHE! Waht was she even thinking! What could she possibly accomplish by dying and leaving him alone like this! She was the only one capable of convincing the Council, and the galaxy, about the Reaper threat. She was the only one who could stop them. He fell back across the bed he'd tried so hard to ignore, growling angrily and pressing the butt of his hands into his eyes. He inhaled sharply but a sob left with the exhale.

"Leia..."

Yup. Today was gonna be a shitty day... Now where was the last of the beer?


	3. Shepards response

Staff Commander Alenko. It wasn't so much that it sounded weird, but more that it showed how much he had changed. How much she had lost.

Liara was now the Shadow Broker, and she'd had had to help her gain that position. The anger that she'd had against the old one... the Liara she remembered had been more interested in Protheans and their ruins than flaying people alive.

Tali was barely civil with the Cerberus crew, but she did seem to get along with Kenneth and Gabby, which was something. But when she'd been accused of treason every last crew member had stood behind her. "Tali'Zorah vas Normandy" sounded just as strange as Staff Commander Alenko... but it was no less deserved.

Garrus. Sweet, naïve Garrus had changed more than the rest and had moved to Omega. Gone rouge and moved to Omega "to right wrongs and help the innocent." He'd always been a bit of an idealist. She shook her head and grinned, an idealist who could take out a target, a moving target no less, at a thousand yards and without even breaking a sweat.

Wrex, clan leader Urdnot Wrex... what could she think about that!

She leaned against her desk, staring at the photo of Kaiden on it. It had been there since the beginning of all this madness. Shaking her head again she closed her eyes again. _"Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me."_ His voice echoed in her head. He'd sent only a note, silent, but she hadn't needed it. She could hear his voice as clearly as though he'd been standing next to her, whispering it in her ear. She'd tried to write him back, but after all that had happened what was she supposed to say? What could she possibly say that could explain anything. Toombs, Kahoku, The Thorian, Thorian Creepers, the Rachni, Evidence enough had piled against Cerberus. The things that Shepard had found to use against them should have been enough to put any member away for good, and now she was working with them. Everything around had the stain of Cerberus. Damn but life had gotten complicated.

"I'm sorry Kaiden." she whispered, running her fingers down the frame, "I wish there was something I could say to make this all better. I really didn't have a choice as to who I worked with when I woke up. The fact that I was brought back at all was something I couldn't think about, something I didn't want to think about. If I was in your shoes I would have probably reacted the same way, doesn't mean I like it any more than I do now, but I understand. And about Ilos... I remember it. Oh god do I remember it. Its been the only thing on my mind since I woke up, relived it every night since I woke up. You said you loved me that night Kaiden, do you remember that? It was right after...everything. I was snuggled against your shoulder, you thought I was asleep and you brushed my hair from my cheek and said that you loved me. Alright, you know I'm no good at this mushy stuff, I'm just gonna say that I love you too. I loved you then and I still love you now. Ever since I woke up I've been surrounded by people I couldn't know if I could trust. People I couldn't show weakness to. But I've been doing a lot of thinking, Kaiden, and I've come to the conclusion that if I have any weaknesses at all, its you. A weakness I have to protect from others."

"I'm gonna go through the Omega Four relay soon and I just wanted you to know... I don't know what exactly. I meant what I said that night, Kaiden. You make me feel like I can take on the galaxy, and right now, I really have to. If I don't make it back... just remember that I remember you. And that I love you." She moved away from the picture and went to the elevator outside her quarters.

On the bridge Joker flipped through a few more controls then turned to Kelly. "You sure this is a good idea? I don't know if recording that was even a good idea." The yeoman nodded and turned to EDI, "Send that express to Commander Alenko. Now, EDI."


	4. Kaiden Reacts

He sat at his terminal, staring at the screen in shock. She was going through the WHAT! Where was that again? And she was doing this WHEN! She couldn't be serious, the Omega Four relay was impassable! Was she now insane? Kaiden closed his eyes and put a hand over them. What could she possibly be thinking, that was a suicide mission!

_"I didn't have a choice..."_

She'd said that before, when they'd met on Horizon. Horizon... what an idiot he'd been. All this time all he'd wanted was for her to be alive and then when she'd been standing in front of him all he could do was yell at her. Tell her how wrong she'd been to join Cerberus. Joker, he could understand, pilots needed to be able to fly! Garrus and Tali? That he couldn't understand, but they were allowed to make their own decisions. And if they were with Shepard then so be it, perhaps they could keep her safe where he had failed.

Keep her alive? What was he thinking! How could he just sit here and let her go through that relay? Without backup! Without HIM! Now angry he let his biotics flare slightly, just enough to push himself clear of the desk and slam the chair against the wall behind him. Storming out of his office, he marched to Councilor Anderson's office, certain that he had to _do_ something. "Anderson, you have to stop her. You have to stop... Shepard."

Anderson looked up from his own desk interface, a surprised look on his face, "What?" Kaiden exhaled heavily and stared at him, "You don't know?" Anderson shook his head and Kaiden had to explain, "Shepard. She's going through the Omega Four relay." The small OSD Anderson had picked up dropped back onto his desk.** "She's going where!" **Kaiden's jaw clenched, "You have to do something, Admiral. Call her back, something! She'll listen to you!" Anderson was already flipping through pages on his terminal, shaking his head, "Too late, Commander. Alliance watchers in that sector just reported a major spike in the relay's location. She's gone."

Kaiden growled low in his throat and grabbed the back of a nearby chair. "**NO!**"

"I'm sorry, commander. There's nothing I can do." Kaiden's grip tightened on the chair, then threw it against the wall, his body rippling with biotics as he began to take out his anger on the same wall. "**NO, no, no no no!**" Hot tears burned their way down his cheek, "**Not again. NOT AGAIN!**" He collapsed to his knees, biotic power spent, emotion drained, and pain – overwhelming, deep throbbing, all encompassing, excruciating pain – washed over him.

"Not again."


	5. A Reunion, Of Sorts

Earth was in flames. People were dying for no better reason than no one had listened to her and now she had to go to the Council and convince them that they were indeed going to die, all races, everything sentient, if they didn't get off their asses and help. If they didn't give up their petty grievances and come together as a unified force to fight the one thing that could eliminate them all. Screw other threats, this was real. This was bigger than anything they'd eve faced before and if they couldn't... She shook her head as the ramp closed behind her, the image of that young boy and his toy ship burned into her memory. She would fight for him, she decided. She would fight for the ones that had already been lost, so that their deaths would mean something.

They, she and Kaiden, were on the Normandy... together... again.

She had to focus. She couldn't think about how close Kaiden was to her as they rode the elevator up to the CIC. She couldn't think about how wonderful he smelled, just the right mix of sweat dirt and that tangy metal scent of blood. Or maybe that was her. She ran her fingers across her cheek and half smirked when they came away red. Looked as though the cybernetics Cerberus had implanted in her had indeed been removed. There was something though. Something distinctly Kaiden about the air around them, but before she could really think about it the doors opened and she moved onto the floor, trying to refocus her mind on getting rid of the Reapers before they got rid of everything. Her yeoman, Kelly, was waiting for her at the main terminal, an anxious look on her face, "Shepard! I'm glad you're here. We've got a bit of a problem..."

The door leading to the armory opened and Jack emerged, sporting a new haircut – longer, with a hint of red in it – but the same badass swagger and flaring biotics. The one time Subject Zero nodded to Shepard, then let loose a biotic warp right at Kaiden's chest. The man wasn't expecting it and was slammed backwards across the deck. Shepard's eyes widened and she stepped between Jack and her victim, "Jack! What are you doing!" Jack's face scrunched slightly as she fought against her gut reactions and her respect for Shepard. "That's Kaiden, right? _**THE**_ Kaiden?" Shepard glanced back at him as Kaiden got to his feet, his own biotics rippling over his skin as he surrounded himself with a barrier. "Yes... That's Kaiden." Shepard dived to the side, taking Kelly down with her as Jack released another ball of something at Kaiden. Thankfully, Kaiden was ready for it this time, and swept it aside with his hand as though it was nothing more than a fly. Shepard scrambled to her feet, pushing on Kelly to keep her down, "Jack, stop!" She replanted herself between the two of them, her hands up trying to calm Jack down. The last thing they needed right now was the ship being ripped apart before they even got started. "Stop, please. Jack."

Jack snarled and her biotics stayed ready, "He hurt you." The silence that followed those three words hung heavy on them all while Shepard considered her response. Kaiden's barrier shimmered as he let it drop but his hands flexed enough to catch whatever Jack was about to throw at him. He could see Shepard's own feet sliding into a defensive, bracing herself against anything that Jack may throw at her. Only Kelly saw the Commander swallow hard, only Kelly saw he close her eyes against whatever it was that she was feeling. And only Kelly could hear the real guttural pain in Shepards voice.

"Yes. But no more than I hurt him. I could have – should have – done more than I did to try and contact him. To let him know what was going on. Miranda had the resources and the contacts, I could have gotten word to him that I was alive. I could have explained why I was working with Cerberus, I could have let him know my reasons. Anderson could have talked to him, would have if I'd only taken the time to ask, but the Collectors had to be stopped. We didn't have time for a reunion. It probably wouldn't have changed anything, but he deserved to know."

Jack's biotic field dropped and the woman straightened before looking around Shepard to glare at Kaiden. "She may be right, but hurt her again and I'll smear the walls with you." Jack stormed off to the elevator and forced the doors shut. Kelly got to her feet and rubbed her arms, "Is she going to be a problem now?" Shepard shook her head, "No. She understands more than most give her credit for. Let her cool off then I'll go talk to her." Kelly nodded and handed over a small OSD. "These came in while you were gone. I figured you could use something to distract you." Shepard smirked and thanked her before moving to the elevator herself. "Joker!" she shouted before entering. The pilots voice crackled over the speakers, "Yeah Commander?" She glanced at the OSD then up the hall to where he would be sitting, staring at the screen. "Take us to the Citadel. We're gonna need the Council on this one. I'll be in my quarters if you need me."

Kaiden slipped between the doors before they closed and she was once again alone... with him... great. He waited for the room to start moving before speaking again.

"You're alive."

She nearly choked and looked up form the OSD, "Last time I checked."

"So... what about Cerberus?"

"Gone... for now."

"What does that mean?" She snorted, "The Illusive Man sunk billions of credits and man hours into resurrecting me. I doubt he's just going to let that go."

"So... Do you think he's a threat?"

"Not one I'm going to lose sleep over. He may think he's powerful, but that doesn't mean he can't be beaten. Once this thing with the Reapers is over I'll worry about him. Until then, I've got other priorities."

"Like what?" The elevator stopped and she left him standing in it. She sighed and he watched her shoulders droop again. The weight of saving the galaxy once more falling to her. "Shepard... you don't have to do this alone this time. I'm a Spectre now too, remember?" She turned back to him, and he could have sworn he saw a glimpse of fear pass over her eyes. "I heard about that. Congratulations." She tried to smile, but it faltered and died. "I'm sorry Kaiden. I'm so, so sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt." Memories flashed through his mind, memories of Ilos, the nights alone, the Normandy's attack, her death, seeing her again on Horizon, her message and he realized that none of it mattered. It was all in the past. This, here and now, was what mattered and he couldn't keep thinking about that.

"'Shepard...'Leia, I..." She moved closer to him and put a finger to his lips. "Don't Kaiden... I know and I understand, remember?" He inhaled sharply as though he wanted to speak but she shook her head, "Not now. There's too much I want to say, to explain and we don't have the time. I need to shower and change before we deal with the Council, and I still have these messages to go through." She removed her finger and he smirked, "You're alive."

She returned the smile, "Lat time I checked."


End file.
